In all the births I’ve attended, it still surprises me to witness birthing women find the strength and endurance to dig deep and persevere until they finally hold their baby in their arms. I think most doulas would admit to more than once standing back in awe at the raw power of a woman in labor. But one thing that isn’t talked about enough is the love and strength that I often see radiate from the dads that are also bearing witness to such a miracle (I use the term “dads” as this has been the vast majority of my experience, but the same holds turn to same-sex partners as well). Some of my very favorite moments as a doula involve observing how attentive and loving these men can be with their partners while they find their rhythm during labor. As much as I work towards preparing these men prenatally for what to expect when they support the mother of their baby, it becomes clear quite quickly that they really had no idea what to expect – and yet, they step up and dig deep, holding space continuously for hours, going without food, sleep or bathroom breaks, providing constant emotional and often physical support.

So many times, I wish I was a photographer and somehow could capture the look of awe, wonder, and pure love on these dads’ faces as they watch their partners get in touch with their primal selves in labor. Something happens in those moments – a shift, an energy, a palpable feeling – where not only does the woman give birth to herself as a mother, and to her partner as a father, but suddenly, they are parents – in it together, no longer separate entities in the same way as before when they were a couple but now a single family unit. The birth of their baby binds them to each other in a way that only the shared experience of a Rite of Passage can… and I think the dads feel it while they witness labor and birth unfold. Most cannot put this experience into words or would describe it in this way – but, it is a shift that is undeniable to anyone consciously holding that sacred space.
Here’s the thing – when a woman finds out she is pregnant, she has 9 months to start feeling like a mother. As the baby grows and she connects with this little being inside her, most women feel that motherly instinct long before they feel that first contraction. But for dads – fatherhood is still very vague at this stage. They KNOW they are going to be fathers but for most, it doesn’t feel real in pregnancy. It’s a concept that they are trying to get their head around. I feel so blessed to be present at that moment when their baby is born and they are so overcome with emotion –suddenly, they become fathers and they truly feel it. It’s no longer just an abstract idea. It’s so beautiful, that moment. There are no words… It’s a precious gift that I treasure every time.

One memory I will never forget no matter how many births I witness – She is close to pushing, almost there… and she stands, rocking, moaning, moving her baby down with every contraction. Covered in sweat, eyes glazed, instinct has taken over and she has gotten in touch with her primal self… and he bears witness, awe-struck, laying hands on her but unmoving, holding space in the only way he can. I look at him, and whisper “how are you doing?’ – his gaze meets mine and he says, transfixed: “I… I had no idea… She’s incredible… it’s like being in the presence of God…” – and there’s the shift, right there..